Just in case you're running out of places to spend money, this page lists the five Hamilton-based commercial enterprises I go furthest out of my way to patronise. I used to have some fine print about how I'm fair and impartial and not affiliated with any of them, but I decided to remove it, since it was a lie.

Purveyor of fine bread and pastries.

The Hillcrest Bakery is the best bakery about. I particularly recommend their beef rolls, brown salad sandwiches, steak and cheese pies, satay rolls... perhaps I'm not being as particular as I thought.

There are a couple of other bakeries in Hamilton that deserve some recognition, the one next to Settlers and the one at Five Crossroads for example; but the Hillcrest has a better selection, and more importantly, is closer to where I live.

Buyer and seller of second-hand books.

What to say? I prefer to buy books second hand, and most of them I get here, though Browsers is also a nice place to shop.

The Crows Nest is run by Bill, whom the mysterious S.M.C. describes as "an erudite and helpful man, who also does auctions". There can never be too many people like that.

Brewer of Cold Gold Lager.

Kahikatea is Hamilton's only local brewery, and though it is not a large operation, it is well worth a visit if you like beer. It goes without saying, I hope, that the beer is delicious and inexpensive.

The brewery is a funny little shop, way out on Kahikatea Drive, comprising a room full of vats, a small counter, an eccentric salesman, a small fridge, and a bloody great cool-store with beer taps sticking out the side. If you reveal that you have yet to try Kahikatea's delicious cold gold lager, best bitter, draught beer, or dark ale, the aforementioned salesman (who has worked his way up from his former position of customer) will quickly remedy the omission.

Note to other Hamilton businesses: Kahikatea has jumped straight into number 3 on this influential list by the simple expedient of giving the author free beer. There's a lesson here for you.

Purveyor of dinner.

The Hillcrest Fish Supply is a Fish & Chip shop. Perhaps it is merely representative of a particular type of shop, but we do seem to wind up here when we can't be bothered cooking.

Jin Wing Takeaways are pretty good too.

Hamilton's foremost service industry.

True though it is that Hamilton has the highest rate of cinema attendance in New Zealand, and as essential as such diversions are to a student like myself, this entry will be displaced on this list by the Metropolis Cafe just as soon as I find a suitable photograph.

This lamentable state of affairs is not due to the poor quality of your average film, nor to the ridiculous prices for which commodities are traded on the Village premises, though many might argue that these are perfectly adequate reasons.

Instead, the Metropolis enters the list on the strength of the delicious Cappuccino they recently served me, chocolate cake, and its pioneering place as the first, and still the best, of Hamilton's many Cafe's.

Purveyor of degrees and diplomas.

Formerly a stodgy seat of academic excellence, the University has transformed itself into a sleek and competitive contender in the tertiary education marketplace.

What is more, it is about to be restructured to optimise efficiency, or something. This laudable goal will be achieved by arranging the "schools" into "faculties," redesigning the stationary appropriately, and inserting another layer of "senior management" between the Vice Chancellor and the rest of us.

Read all about it on the Hamilton and the University page.